The new schoolyard is online – and it’s harsher than you think

Teen life has always been intense, but when friendships and fallouts play out online, the impact can be deeper than many parents realise.

If you’ve recently watched Adolescence, Netflix’s hard-hitting series about a 13-year-old boy who stabbed a female classmate to death, you’ll know it’s more than just another teen drama. The show shines a light on something every parent should be paying attention to: the emotional intensity and pressure of growing up online.

For today’s teens, relationships don’t just live in classrooms or after-school hangouts – they exist, thrive and sometimes explode across group chats, TikTok and Instagram stories. With peer dynamics playing out in public and in real time, the digital world has become both a stage and a minefield. And while the tech is new, the emotional stakes are very real.

“Parents often underestimate how overwhelming digital drama can be for young people, says Arno Jansen van Vuuren, Managing Director at Futurewise. “What might seem trivial to an adult – like being left out of a group chat – can be deeply distressing to a teen, especially when identity and belonging feel so fragile.”

He adds that a broader understanding of what it means to support a child’s education today is needed. “Futureproofing a child’s success means investing in their emotional wellbeing as much as their academic performance.”

Why digital drama feels so intense

Unlike in-person conflict, digital drama is constant, unfiltered and hard to escape. Messages arrive instantly, group chats never sleep, and misunderstandings are easy when tone and context are lost in translation. And because it all happens in front of an audience – even if it’s just a few dozen classmates – embarrassment, rejection and betrayal can feel amplified.

Break-ups, bullying, social exclusion or even subtle power plays among peers now unfold online, says Jansen van Vuuren. And with phones acting as portals to their social lives, teens often find it difficult to disconnect, even when the drama is hurting them. The psychological impact is significant: stress, anxiety, sleep disruption and a drop in school engagement are common knock-on effects. “There is a clear link between emotional distress from online conflict and academic dips. When a teen is overwhelmed by peer dynamics, school is often the first thing to slide.”

Spotting the signs before they spiral
How can parents tell if digital drama is taking a toll? There are often subtle but telling shifts:

- Changes in emoji language: As highlighted in Adolescence, emojis can offer clues to a child’s state of mind, acting as emotional smoke signals. A sudden uptick in the use of  (awkwardness), (heartbreak), or  (silence) may signal that something’s off. And don’t make the mistake of thinking that the way you might interpret an emoji is the way a Gen Z or Alpha might use it – if you’re not sure of the context, check with your child or one of their peers, if they’re not communicating with you.
- Withdrawal or hyper-engagement: A teen glued to their phone or, conversely, avoiding it entirely might be navigating a situation they don’t know how to handle.
- Disrupted sleep or school disengagement: Emotional upheaval often spills into physical and academic changes, from insomnia and moodiness to skipped homework or sudden changes in peer groups.
- “Vaguebooking” or cryptic posts: Posts that seem unusually sad, angry or distant, with no context, could be quiet cries for help.

What parents can do (without snooping)
Supporting a teen through digital drama doesn’t mean prying or panicking – it means creating space for calm, open dialogue.

“Start by being curious, not critical, advises Jansen van Vuuren. “Ask them how they feel about things they’re seeing or experiencing online and listen without judgement. If they trust you as a sounding board, they’re more likely to come to you when things go wrong.”

Snooping or monitoring every message can backfire, damaging the trust teens need to feel safe opening up. Instead, model healthy online habits yourself, whether that’s unplugging regularly or thinking twice before posting.

There are also a number of resources that you can lean on: for example, Futurewise’s Learning Hub includes tools like Social Kids, a programme designed to help families build emotional and digital literacy together. It gives parents and children shared language to talk about online dynamics, peer pressure and digital self-esteem, which are all crucial elements of navigating today’s world safely and confidently.

It’s about the whole child
Says Jansen van Vuuren, “Securing your child’s education means supporting the whole child – not just their grades or tuition plans, but their emotional resilience and ability to thrive in the world as it is now.

“Technology is a fact of life. We can’t shield kids from every online conflict, but we can equip them with the skills and support they need to handle it. When we do that, we’re not just raising good students, we’re raising strong, emotionally intelligent people.”

Because whether it happens in the hallways or the group chat, growing up is never drama-free. But with the right support, today’s teens can come through it wiser, stronger and ready for whatever the future holds.